wanna go halves on a baby?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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