highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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