Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
