Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
