Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
