he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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