I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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