i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
