Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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