I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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