Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
