Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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