census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
