Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
