My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
