My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
