the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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