; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
