You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
