No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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