just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am one with the molecules
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
