who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
