I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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