either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
