he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
