There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
