I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
