sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
