Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
