Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
