It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
