and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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