even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
