Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
