remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
