The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
