My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
