so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
