we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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