life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize