dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
