The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
