rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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