i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
