And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
