I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
