You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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