Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
