Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
not ubering you a puppy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
