My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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