If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
