I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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