Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My brain says no but my pants say off.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
