Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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