At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
