im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
