so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
