The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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