You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
