we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
