covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
