I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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