Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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