I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
