so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
