Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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