yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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