I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
