I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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