I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
