Umm I'm too high to move.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize