I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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