Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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