Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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