did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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