Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
