i barfeds in our rink
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
