I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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