he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I looked at my own cervix.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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