update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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