I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
