Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
